Sex Products - Read The Label

This happened to me several years ago, when I was much younger and naive.  It was one of those moments that in hindsight was truly funny, but at the time was really, really embarrassing!

I was in a fairly committed relationship at the time. It was long enough that we were exclusive, and we were not using condoms of any sort for sex. You may tsk tsk our not using condoms in this day and age, but I was on the pill and neither of us had any communicable diseases.  I cannot remember the first time we had sex together, but by then it was at least three or four times a week, and usually more than once when we did.  I had never had oral sex before I met him, and he taught me a lot. But what he really did was get me off really well. God he was good at oral!

Somehow that was not enough for me. I was an avid reader and had read about those great orgasms that women in those books always had with their lovers. I wanted to be able to feel that sensation that they described. You see, the issue was that even though he was great at oral sex, he just had no staying power at all with conventional sex. I only had an inkling of what a full orgasm would be like. I mean, when he was in me, it felt so much better, and was so good, but he could never last long enough to satisfy me. It was only the oral sex that was keeping me sexually happy, but I wanted so much more.

As you can see I was somewhat frustrated, and being a private person by nature (at least about sex) I did not confide in anybody. Eventually I decided to do something about it.  I ventured into a sex shop for the first time in my life.  After skulking around picking up random items off the shelves for a bit, I finally approached an older woman who worked there and explained my dilemma.  She was very nice about it and made me feel comfortable. Apparently it is quite common for younger men to be a bit too excited when having sex and they just do not have any control. She said she had just the thing for me. It was a numbing cream that I would rub on and it would desensitize him so that he would last longer. It sounded like a good idea, so I bought it.

Time seemed to be at a standstill for the rest of the day. I had in my hot little hands the formula that would change my sex life forever. It would move my sex life up about a hundred notches at least! I was going to have a universe stopping orgasm that would be the orgasm of all orgasms. My body was quivering in anticipation.

That night, as I was getting ready for bed, I squeezed some from the tube and applied it liberally to my pussy. It wasn't long before I could feel myself reacting to it. I hopped into bed and started to get very affectionate  with him. As we kissed and got more amorous, he did what he always did. He started to lick me into a frenzy.

But wait! Something was wrong! This was supposed to be the best night ever but it was not! He was not stimulating me as well as he usually did. What was wrong? I kept telling him to lick me harder and faster! When he tried to reply, he could not talk. It sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. He was totally panicked. He literally flew to the bathroom and rinsed his mouth. He tried water, then mouthwash. Nothing seemed to work. Finally in desperation he took out a bar of soap and washed his mouth, inside and out.  Gradually the effects seemed to lessen, and after a half hour or so he could talk again.

He asked me if I knew what had happened.  After I explained my issue, he hung his head a bit and then asked to read the tube. Reading the instructions he just looked at me and shook his head. He asked me if I had read the instructions, and I said no. When he asked my why not, I said that the woman in the store told me what to do. She told me I just had to rub it on.  He said yes, that was true, but I was supposed to rub it on him!  Not only that, but the instructions on the tube said that under no circumstances should you engage in oral sex!

I was so embarrassed and turned red as a beet. Then I started to giggle. He started to laugh too. Pretty soon we were rolling around the bed laughing so hard that I almost peed. Good thing I did not because we were still stark naked.

Well it has been many years since that night. I have been to sex shops more than once since then, but now I always read the instructions very, very carefully.  Unfortunately, our relationship did not last for very long after that night. His career took him some place I could not go. But of all the men I have loved, he is the one that I always smile about when I think of him.

More fun advice stories can be found at the link below:

Relationships Advice For Women