This misadventure happened to me a few years ago, but it is somewhat timeless and is worth mentioning to other people. Although it was embarrassing at the time, the humor of the situation makes it a story worth telling.
I was going out with a really nice guy that I had met for a few months at that time. We had moved in together, and of course were exclusive with each other. It had got to the point where we were not using condoms anymore. You may tsk tsk our not using condoms in this day and age, but I was on the pill and neither of us had any communicable diseases. Sex was a big part of our lives. I loved it and so did he. I had never had oral sex before I met him, and he taught me a lot. But what he really did was get me off really well. God he was good at oral!
Although my boyfriend was great at oral sex, I was not fully happy. You see, he had a problem with conventional sex. He just could not last long enough for me. The oral sex was really a boon to me because he could at least make me come that way, but as soon as he entered me, he was done in about thirty seconds. Oh, I wanted more, if for no other reason than because it just felt so much better for the short time he was in there.
Being somewhat frustrated, and because I would not talk to anybody I knew about it, I felt compelled to take the initiative to correct the problem all by myself. There was a sex shop in a mall a few blocks from where I lived. One day when my boyfriend was out with his pals playing baseball, I decided to see what they might have to help. When I went in there was nobody there, thank God, and I approached a sales lady and let her know what my problem was. She smiled and said that it was very common, especially with younger men. She said she had just the thing for me. It was a numbing cream that I would rub on and it would desensitize him so that he would last longer. It sounded like a good idea, so I bought it.
Time seemed to be at a standstill for the rest of the day. I had in my hot little hands the formula that would change my sex life forever. It would move my sex life up about a hundred notches at least! I had been waiting my whole adult life for this! I was going to have the kind of orgasm that would make the gods weep, make the earth stop in its orbit, and make a fifty dollar prostitute jealous!
As I got ready for bed that night, I rubbed some on my pubic area. It wasn't long before I could feel myself reacting to it. As I got into bed, I left no doubt in his mind that I wanted to make love with him. As we kissed and got more amorous, he did what he always did. He started to lick me into a frenzy.
I was waiting for my usual response to his tongue, but something was wrong. It did not feel right! I was just not feeling him like normal. I kept telling him to go faster. Pretty soon I was screaming it! When he tried to reply, he could not talk. It sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. He was totally panicked. He literally flew to the bathroom and rinsed his mouth. He tried water, then mouthwash. Nothing seemed to work. In a desperate measure, he started to wash his mouth with soap, but all that did was make him gag. He still could not talk. It took about a half hour for everything to settle down enough that he could talk.
He asked me if I knew what had happened. After I explained my issue, he hung his head a bit and then asked to read the tube. After he read them, he started to shake his head and then looked at me. He asked me if I had read the instructions, and I said no. When he asked my why not, I said that the woman in the store told me what to do. She told me I just had to rub it on. He said it was unfortunate that I had not read the instructions because then I would have known I was supposed to rub it on his dick rather than on my pussy. In addition to that little gem, the instructions also had a prohibition on oral sex when using that product.
At first I was mortified. Then I started chuckling. He started to laugh too. Pretty soon we were rolling around the bed laughing so hard that I almost peed. Good thing I did not because we were still stark naked.
Well, I am older and wiser now. As it turns out, that was not my last trip to the sex shop, but let me tell you that from that point on, I was very careful to read the instructions completely before I bought anything. Life goes on, but my relationship with him did not. His job required him to move, and I was not prepared to jeopardize my career at that point. I guess I was not really all that much in love with him or else I would have left with him I suppose. But I will admit, of all the men I have loved since, he is the only one that I always smile about.
More fun advice stories can be found at the link below:
Advice for Women
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