What a Bunch of Bananas

I communicated with a guy online that a friend of mine had given my messenger address to, we chatted for about two months. At that point it just seemed natural for us to meet for lunch to see where our budding relationship might go. He lived quite some distance from me, but agreed to meet me on my turf. He showed up in an old truck (and I mean old) it looked like it had once belonged to “Jed Clampett”!

I greeted him and things started to go downhill even more quickly. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He told me that I would have to drive his truck to the restaurant. When I asked why he told me he was afraid that his foot would go through the floor as it was rotted away and he wasn’t sure if the piece of cardboard and duct tape he had placed there would hold.

We went to a small Chinese buffet for lunch. It was nice and the food was quite tasty. My assumption that things were getting better were unfortunately short lived.  After complementing me, he launched on a diatribe of how he was missing three toes on one foot after playing with his dad's loaded rifle as a child. As if that would somehow endear him to me. He then told me that he did not have a job. He had lied to me so I would go out with him. He said he was about to lose his house that I found out wasn't a house at all but a friend's garage. Next this pathetic loser started to cry that he was not good looking enough to attract a girl, he had no job, and no prospects. Rather than beat him about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat like I desperately wanted to, I just bit my tongue and consoled him. I said that he just had to be patient and the right one would come along. It just would not be me. He did not have enough money to pay for my lunch so we had to go dutch; at which point we went to my apartment.

As we stood at my apartment door he remembered that he had bought a gift for me and that he had left it in the truck. He asked me what my favourite colour was and I said it was yellow. He then ran down the hall in excitement. I stood there wondering what in the world could he have bought me that was yellow. Well I soon found out. I was totally stunned when he returned with his yellow gift. A bunch of bananas for crying out loud. I was completely speechless. At this point I was informed that since he had too much to drink, he would have to spend the night. I lost it and screamed at him to get out. He was very reluctant to leave so I did the only thing I could do. I attacked him with my bananas, hurling them at him until he backed up into the hall, then I slammed the door! He screamed at me to let him in, but there was no way that was happening. I told him to take his bananas and go or I would call the police; so he left.

It proved to be a costly date. I had to move and change all my personal online information. My friends never give out my personal information anymore.

I am going to try an online dating site. They guarantee anonymity. Hopefully the guys their can come up with something other than just their bananas to keep me happy.

Online Dating Sites